Holding baby while davening

It can be challenging to maintain a regular commitment to davening when caring for an infant or toddler.

Kavana–orienting our hearts and minds to God–is essential to prayer. Since it’s not easily accomplished under any circumstances, we often have to make do with sub-optimal kavana. But we need to make an effort to remove obstacles to it. For this reason, the Talmud (Berachot 23b) states that one should not hold tefillin or a sefer Torah in hand while reciting Shemoneh Esrei. Rashi there explains that the person praying would be too distracted by concern lest the item held fall. Shulchan Aruch (OC 96:1) rules accordingly, and this ruling is taken to refer to other objects of great value as well. At the same time, one who has prayed in this way is not obligated to repeat the prayer; it is considered acceptable bedi’avad (Mishna Berura 96:2).

Therefore, one should ideally not recite Shemoneh Esrei when holding a baby in one’s hands, since a baby is clearly more distractingly precious than any object. Rather, it’s best to try to time at least Shema (which also requires a high level of concentrating, but not standing) and Shemoneh Esrei for when the baby is napping or can be put down. When necessary, one may pause reciting Shemoneh Esrei to pick up and calm a fussy baby, put the baby back down, and then resume prayer.

Using a carrier when it calms the baby can often be a good solution, since then the baby is not in one’s hands and at risk of falling, and it can help facilitate maintaining the classic posture of prayer and bowing etc. Preference for front or back carrier really depends on baby and parent.

When putting a baby down calmly or using a carrier is impossible, or when holding a baby is actually less distracting for the parent, then holding the baby for prayer can be permitted. This is preferable to not davening.

The age of the baby is relevant practically, in so far as the effect of holding a baby on someone praying may change along with the baby’s developmental stage. Also, an older baby’s excretions can present a bar to prayer, and this should be taken into account.

There is no inherent difference between men and women here, though women arguably have more flexibility to omit prayers or to time tefilla differently. A communal minyan setting calls for special sensitivity to community norms, and a man needed to complete the ten for a minyan is best off not being in a situation in which he might need to go out with a baby. Tefillin demand special levels of concentration and cleanliness from one wearing them, so holding a baby with them on would generally not be recommended if it could be helped.

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