Marriage V: Sheva Berachot

We recite a unique series of berachot at the chuppa and during the following week of rejoicing. In talmudic and halachic literature, this series is called birkat chatanim (literally, the blessing of grooms). It is also commonly referred to as sheva berachot (literally, seven blessings).

We’ll begin by exploring the significance and meaning of birkat chatanim, and go on to discuss the halachot of its recitation and its function at the wedding and at sheva berachot meals.

Masechet Kalla traces birkat chatanim back to the beracha Rivka’s family gave her when she set out from her home to marry Yitzchak.

We can discern two distinct aspects of birkat chatanim in this passage. It serves both as (1) a precursor, even a prerequisite, to a couple being permitted to have relations, and (2) a communal expression of blessing and aspiration for their marriage.

The Talmud states that birkat chatanim is recited in two contexts, both at the chuppa and over the rejoicing that follows:

These two settings for birkat chatanim correspond to its twofold significance. At the chuppa, both personal and communal significance are manifest; during the week of rejoicing, the communal aspect predominates.

Text of the Berachot

The mix of personal and communal also shapes the text of the six berachot that constitute birkat chatanim. We recite them over wine for added ritual significance,¹ and thus the beracha over wine, borei peri ha-gefen, completes the set of seven, called sheva berachot.²

We can divide these six berachot into two groups of three:

I. Creation The first three berachot focus on the theme of Creation, which marriage (and procreation) can be said to complete.³

(1) “Sheha-kol bara li-chvodo,” “Who created everything for His honor”: They begin with a call in God’s name that attributes everything to the honor of God. Rashi maintains that this first beracha functions as a convocation:

(2) “Yotzer ha-adam,” “Who forms ha-adam”: Second comes a beracha over the creation of man;

(3) “Asher yatzar,” “Who formed ha-adam in His image…and made from him an everlasting construction”: Third is a celebration of the creation of man and woman in the Divine image in perpetuity. Rashi identifies the lasting “building” of the third beracha specifically with the kalla:

II. Rejoicing The last three berachot focus on rejoicing:

(4) “Sos tasis,” “Who gladdens Tziyon through her children”: The rejoicing of Yerushalayim, which, in a prophetic metaphor,⁴ becomes a childless woman awaiting her children;

(5) “Same’ach tesamach,” “Who gladdens chatan and kalla”: The personal rejoicing of chatan and kalla as a realization of the joy of Adam and Chava;

(6) “Asher bara,” “Who causes the chatan to rejoice with the kalla.”Finally, enumerating the multiple forms of the couple’s rejoicing in each other that spread far and wide.

Rabbanit Dr. Chana Friedman shares the meaning that she finds in the berachot:⁵

The couple’s personal rejoicing is consummated only once it is clearly situated within this broader framework of meaning. The berachot play a special role for the couple at the wedding because they enable us to recognize every marriage as a culmination of Creation and Divine purpose, and thus a source of personal and communal joy.

Both at the chuppa and during the rejoicing that follows, birkat chatanim requires an assembly of ten. This requirement reflects the communal aspect of birkat chatanim, and the Talmud cites two verses as potential sources for it:

Why does Boaz gather ten male elders in the first verse cited in this passage? There seem to be a few possible explanations for this. The assembly might attest to and publicize his changed relationship with Rut,⁶ or it might be fundamentally needed in order for their marriage to take effect. The second verse cited, from Tehillim, potentially points to a third explanation. It emphasizes the community joining in praise or prayer to God, suggesting that it is specifically the beracha which requires ten, and not necessarily the nissuin.⁷

If the assembly is meant merely as an act of publicizing the marriage, then it might be possible for women to count toward the ten, much as some halachic authorities count women for a group of ten to publicize miracles on Purim and Chanuka. Rav Zvi Rayzman argues that this could apply according to some views of birkat chatanim:

However, halachic consensus is that birkat chatanim requires a minyan of ten adult men:

Indeed, the Mishna groups birkat chatanim with a number of other mitzvot for which a minyan is required:

At least the first items in this mishna are considered devarim she-bikdusha, matters that require a minyan because they sanctify God’s name.⁸ Some consider birkat chatanim to be a davar she-bikdusha as well, perhaps akin to an element of communal tefilla:

This understanding of birkat chatanim might find additional support in Rabbi Abbahu’s citation of Tehillim 68:27 (“In assemblies bless God…”) as the source for birkat chatanim.

Others disagree and view the requirement for a minyan as a prerequisite for the convocation of those assembled, which is how Rashi describes the first beracha. Along these lines, Aruch Ha-shulchan maintains that birkat chatanim is not a davar she-bikdusha, but it still requires an assembly of ten, as a matter of honor.

Origins

We began our discussion of birkat chatanim by noting that it is recited in two contexts, at the chuppa and during the rejoicing thereafter. Just as the beracha at the chuppa may be based on the beracha that Rivka Imeinu received before leaving to marry Yitzchak, the rejoicing following the chuppa may likewise have its roots in Rivka’s family.⁹

The Talmud Yerushalmi, on the other hand, describes them as an enactment of Moshe Rabbeinu, along with the seven days of sorrow of a shiva.

Here, and elsewhere, the Torah seems to establish the significance of a week as a unit of time and transition. Ramban explains that Moshe’s enactment corresponded to a wedding practice that long preceded him:

Though the Torah and Ramban mention a week, the time for reciting the berachot isn’t always a week. Let’s look at the when, where, how, and why of reciting the berachot at meals.

When: First marriages and subsequent marriages

The time allotted for rejoicing is linked to the degree of joy the new couple are expected to feel. When it is a first marriage for both bride and groom, a full week of rejoicing and reciting birkat chatanim is observed. The Talmud discusses various cases where it is not a firstmarriage, and joy is assumed to be more moderate:

The assumption seems to be that the anticipation and joy at getting married for the first time are usually unique, though that should in no way diminish the capacity to rejoice, in the short and long term, in a second marriage. Perhaps for this reason, when both bride and groom were previously married (whether widowed or divorced), birkat chatanim is typically recited only on that first day, the halachic day of the wedding.

In practice, as long as one member of the couple is marrying for the first time, sheva berachot are recited for a week. There is room to permit seven days of beracha even if that spouse is not a virgin.¹⁰

Where: Location of Sheva Berachot Meals

We learned previously that living together is a central element of nissuin and that the chuppa represents a couple’s joint household. Traditionally, the rejoicing after the wedding would thus be held specifically in their chuppa, meaning whatever location was the center of their weeklong festivities and thus represented their home:

Rejoicing in one place that represents the new couple’s home adds a level of symbolic weight to the festivities, as though inaugurating their new household and status through the beracha ritual. This remains the practice in some Sefaradi communities. Even so, common halachic practice for Ashkenazim and, increasingly, among Sefaradim,¹¹ is to allow sheva berachot to take place in any setting in which the wedding party settles for a meal. This permission is based on a ruling of Rabbeinu Asher, the scope of which is debated.¹²

Rabbeinu Asher begins by defining the term “chuppa” in this context as a sedan chair in which chatan and kalla are seated during their festivities. He then points out that this does not mean that we should take the Talmud’s statement that rejoicing is unique to the chuppa as implying that birkat chatanim is restricted to the chuppa. As long as the chatan plans to leave the chuppa behind, the rejoicing can move with him:

To be clear, a couple is not required to have sheva berachot meals throughout their days of rejoicing. But when the conditions for sheva berachot are met, then there is an obligation to recite them. The main condition, aside from minyan, is panim chadashot.

How: Needing Panim Chadashot

Birkat chatanim is recited at a festive meal only in the presence of panim chadashot (lit., a new face), i.e., a new person—or, according to some views, two new people¹³—joining the festivities.¹⁴

There are two main ways to understand the panim chadashot, the new arrival at sheva berachot: as someone who has not yet heard the berachot, or as someone for whom the simcha is increased, because their presence is impactful.

I. The Berachot Rambam suggests this is someone who has not previously been present for the recitation of the berachot, warranting a new recitation of them

Taking his cue from a Talmudic passage, Rambam rules that the beracha of asher bara can be recited even without panim chadashot.¹⁵ But to recite the full set of berachot, panim chadashot need to be present. He places this ruling on sheva berachot in the context of his discussion of birkat ha-mazon.

II. Increased Simcha An alternative view emerges from the Tosafists. Rabbeinu Asher suggests that panim chadashot is someone who did not previously join in a festive meal in the couple’s honor, whose newfound presence causes us to increase our rejoicing and thus warrants a new recitation of the berachot:

Women as Panim Chadashot

A woman might not yet have heard the berachot, or might be a significant person on whose account rejoicing is increased. Does that mean that a woman can count as panim chadashot?

Ritva argues that a woman cannot function as panim chadashot, because women are not counted toward the minyan for sheva berachot:

Many halachic authorities closer to our day, including Rav Ovadya Yosef,¹⁷ rule accordingly. Chatam Sofer, however, raised the possibility that a woman could in fact count as panim chadashot, if she truly enhances the simcha:

Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv reportedly ruled this way in practice, counting women as panim chadashot.¹⁶ So, too, Rav Baruch Gigi, Rosh Yeshivat Har Etzion wrote in response to Deracheha’s query:

Why: Birkat Chatanim and the Festive Meal

We can understand the link between birkat chatanim and the festive meal in one of three ways. The berachot recited at meals may be a manifestation of a continuous simcha throughout the week that was not inherently or initially connected to meals. The festive meals may be a focal point for simcha. Or the berachot may be seen specifically as a joyous appendix to the birkat ha-mazon recited after the meals.

I. Continuous Simcha It seems that birkat chatanim was originally recited at any time during the seven days when panim chadashot would join the wedding party for rejoicing, as a continuation of the wedding celebration:

Over time, it became customary to recite birkat chatanim specifically after meals. Ramban explains that this is merely because meals became the center of communal rejoicing and does not exclude other possible timings for recitation.

(The specific example that Ramban brings is no longer in practice.)

II. Focus of the Simcha Alternatively, we could understand birkat chatanim during the week of rejoicing as enacted to take place specifically at a festive meal.

The same Talmudic passage that restricts rejoicing to the place in which chatan and kalla dwell goes on to mention the significance of the festive meal:

That is to say, the meal is an essential component of rejoicing. Rav Yosef Karo cites Rav Moshe Ha-Kohen of Lunel as formulating this idea in more clearly halachic terms with respect to sheva berachot. He connects the recitation of birkat chatanim directly with the seuda:

This connection aligns especially well with the position that we saw in the name of Rosh that panim chadashot are those who have not been present at a festive meal, for whom simcha is thus now increased.

III. Birkat ha-mazon A last possibility links birkat chatanim more closely to birkat ha-mazon. This possibility, too, may be hinted at in the Talmud:

This passage can be read as implying a specific connection between birkat chatanim and birkat ha-mazon. So, for example, Rabbeinu Meshulam maintains that only one cup is necessary for both birkat ha-mazon and birkat chatanim, since they are intertwined:

Why should birkat ha-mazon lead us to recite sheva berachot? Ritva explains that this is an extension of the idea that the meal is cause for reciting birkat chatanim:

According to Ritva, the meal leads to obligations in both birkat ha-mazon and birkat chatanim, so that these obligations merge. This view aligns well with Rambam’s position that panim chadashot are those who did not yet hear the berachot.

In practice, Sefardi authorities tend to follow the position of using a single cup. Ashkenazi authorities tend to require separate cups for birkat ha-mazon and birkat chatanim, indicating a distinction between the mitzvot:

Those following Ashkenazi practice typically use three cups, to enable the chatan, the kalla, and the one reciting zimmun (and borei peri ha-gafen) to each drink from their own cup. The zimmun for birkat ha-mazon is recited over one cup, and sheva berachot over the second cup. Some of the wine from each cup is then poured into a third cup, and then some of the wine from the third cup is poured back into each of the first two, so that all three cups contain a mix before anyone drinks from them.

Now that we’ve introduced the main ideas of the berachot and conditions for reciting them, at the chuppa and following it, let’s look more closely at the nature of the obligation to recite them. The themes of personal and communal celebration also come to the fore here, and in discussion of who can recite them.

At the chuppa, there are two main ways to understand birkat chatanim: (1) as a precursor to nissuin that is obligatory on the chatan (and possibly the kalla), or (2) as a beracha of tefilla or shevach (prayer or praise) that is obligatory on the community. Only the second would be relevant to a sheva berachot meal. Let’s look at each of the possibilities for understanding birkat chatanim at the chuppa, keeping in mind that only the second is relevant to a sheva berachot meal.

I. Precursor to Nissuin Rambam rules that birkat chatanim must be recited prior to chuppa:

Beit Yosef suggests that this is because Rambam views birkat chatanim at the wedding as akin to a (beracha over a mitzva) incumbent on the chatan personally before the nissuin is completed (much as some describe birkat eirusin):

Ramban reads Rambam differently. He describes birkat chatanim as shevach and tefilla, and not as birkat ha-mitzva. This is why birkat chatanim can be recited for up to a week of rejoicing following the wedding.

When first recited, however, Ramban suggests that birkat chatanim also acts as a matir, a beracha that permits us to take a given action, or to partake in something. In this case, the berachot would permit the couple to have yichud (seclusion) and relations. He maintains that this is why Rambam calls for it to be recited before nissuin. In this comment, Ramban uses the term chuppa in two senses, to refer both to the wedding canopy that symbolizes the couple’s yichud and to their full-fledged yichud afterwards, which he identifies with Rambam’s use of the term “nissuin.”

For both these readings of Rambam, the personal mitzva or matir element comes to the fore at chuppa and creates an obligation on the chatan because of its personal halachic significance for him and his kalla. Perhaps this is why Boaz took personal responsibility for assembling his minyan of elders.

According to Beit Yosef’s reading of Rambam, that birkat chatanim is a birkat ha-mitzva, one might argue that it is solely the chatan’s mitzva, much as Rambam views the mitzva of kiddushin as exclusive to the chatan. But according to Ramban’s reading, the matir aspect of the beracha might apply to the kalla as well, since she, too, is not permitted to have relations “without a beracha.”

II. Only Shevach Alternatively, one can argue that the berachot, even at the wedding ceremony, are not really a matir, and the phrase “without a beracha” refers only to the chuppa itself, and not to birkat chatanim.

According to this view, birkat chatanim at chuppa could be either a standard birkat ha-shevach, or a more elevated davar she-bikdusha.

If birkat chatanim is an obligatory set of berachot of praise, whose obligation is it to recite or hear it? There are a few possible answers to this question:

A. Every Individual in attendance We’ve seen that Rambam views birkat chatanim at the chuppa, which he addresses in the laws of marriage, as a type of birkat ha-mitzva or a matir. However, it is noteworthy that his discussion of the sheva berachot recited during the week of rejoicing appears elsewhere, in the laws of additions to birkat ha-mazon. During rejoicing, he seems to rule in the direction of every community member having their own individual obligation.

As we saw earlier, Rambam establishes that only asher bara (the concluding beracha of birkat chatanim) is recited in the absence of panim chadashot. Here, he adds a stipulation about who cannot recite it. On a simple reading of Rambam, every free adult should add birkat chatanim into their personal recitation of birkat ha-mazon.

Indeed, Rav Moshe Feinstein has written explicitly that all attendees at a wedding meal are obligated in reciting sheva berachot, as part of his view of the berachot as a function of birkat ha-mazon:

Those who follow this view generally require individuals who ate bread at a wedding to stay for the recitation of birkat ha-mazon at the end of the meal, or at the very least to say it with a minyan of their own (with some exceptions). This logic could apply to sheva berachot meals throughout the week as well.

B. The Community as a Whole Ramban suggests that birkat chatanim, and other mitzvot listed in the mishna as requiring a minyan, is a chovat ha-tzibbur (a communal obligation).

Ramban contrasts the obligation for a minyan here with the quorum needed for megilla, which is also an individual obligation. This may challenge the idea that the minyan for birkat chatanim is for mere publicity like the quorum for megilla.

Ramban notes that the communal obligation applies to “those who are obligated in the matter.” By this he might mean that the essential obligation is for the community to ensure that birkat chatanim take place. In that case, individual community members would be free of obligation. Or it might be that at least ten men from the community must hear or recite the berachot.

On either reading, Rambam’s or Ramban’s, it’s not clear whether women would be included, since women are part of the community that gladdens chatan and kalla, but not part of the minyan required for birkat chatanim.

Rav Soloveitchick embraces the notion that birkat chatanim is a communal obligation as part of a general conceptual understanding of the nature of the mitzva to perform chesed:

Following this line of reasoning, the individual obligation is to perform the chesed of gladdening the chatan and kalla, fulfilled by feasting and dancing and the like. A complementary communal chesed obligation is fulfilled through the recitation of birkat chatanim.

In a responsum on women reciting birkat chatanim (a question to which we’ll return shortly), Rav Shaul Yisraeli has similarly argued that the berachot are part of the chesed of simchat chatan ve-kalla. He maintains that women are exempt from performing the chesed of simchat chatan altogether, and thus are not obligated in birkat chatanim.¹⁸

The simple reading of halachic sources, however, is that women are obligated to perform acts of chesed like these, since women are obligated in the mitzva of loving one’s fellow, which is a positive commandment that is not time-bound.¹⁹

What does all this mean for women’s obligation and for the possibility of women reciting birkat chatanim?

Whether a woman is obligated in birkat chatanim and whether a woman could recite it depend on the different perspectives that we’ve seen on how to understand it. Let’s review the various possibilities and how they intersect with this question.

Birkat Ha-mitzva for the Chatan If birkat chatanim at the chuppa is a birkat ha-mitzva obligatory solely for the chatan, women would never be subject to the obligation, so a woman could not recite birkat chatanim on the chatan’s behalf under the chuppa. (We discuss this principle here.)

Matir If birkat chatanim at chuppa serves as a matir, and not a birkat ha-mitzva, then that obligation might be shared by the kalla, and perhaps could be discharged on the couple’s behalf by another woman.

Rav David Bigman and Rav Dr. Yosef Slotnick make this point:²⁰

The prohibition of yichud before nissuin—and thus the permission afterwards—applies equally to the chatan and the kalla, as can be inferred by the comparison to nidda. Theoretically, this would imply that the beracha is also equally incumbent on both chatan and kalla. Still, Rabbis Bigman and Slotnick are not confident that those who view birkat chatanim as a matir would leave room for a woman to recite it.

Davar She-bikdusha If birkat chatanim is considered a davar she-bikdusha, then whether a woman could recite it might depend on a debate regarding whether a woman may recite a davar she-bikdusha in the presence of a minyan,²¹ as well as whether this recitation is meant to discharge a communal obligation.

Communal Obligation If birkat chatanim is an obligation of chesed that falls on the community, then a woman might be able to recite the beracha because she is a full member of that community and obligated in causing kalla and chatan to rejoice.

Rabbis Bigman and Slotnick argue for the possibility of viewing birkat chatanim in this way, even at the chuppa:

In a note to Deracheha, Rav Baruch Gigi acknowledged that an argument can be made in support of a woman reciting sheva berachot under the chuppa or at a seuda, but noted that he does not allow for it in practice.²²

Alternatively, perhaps only those who count toward the minyan are subject to the communal obligation of reciting the beracha, and thus only they can recite the beracha on others’ behalf.²³ Rav Yisraeli argues that women cannot recite sheva berachot for this reason:

Rav Yehuda Henkin has pointed out that this is not necessarily the case. Sometimes, a woman can recite a beracha in the presence of a minyan even when she does not count toward the minyan:

Rav Henkin expresses caution about the practical application of this halachic possibility, because the comparisons that he draws are not foolproof. A woman recites birkat ha-gomel when it is her personal obligation, which may make its halacha different from sheva berachot. Additionally, there are ways to understand reading from the Torah that do not entail discharging a communal obligation, which may make its halacha different.

Birkat Ha-mazon If birkat chatanim at a meal is connected with the obligation in birkat ha-mazon, then perhaps only those who count toward a zimmun could recite birkat chatanim. Rav Zalman Nechemya Goldberg makes this claim.

It follows that he might allow for women to recite asher bara when there is no minyan but there is a woman’s zimmun. Though Rav Goldberg leaves this as something that requires study, Rav David Auerbach and Rav Yehuda Henkin explicitly permit it:

Rav Goldberg rules that women may not recite sheva berachot at a meal when a minyan is present because women do not create the minyan for zimmun. This ruling rests on connecting the halacha of sheva berachot with the halachot of birkat ha-mazon and zimmun.

However, Rav Yehuda Gershuni makes this connection with a different result. First, he points out that Rambam does not mention women among those who cannot recite sheva berachot at a meal (and Shulchan Aruch follows him). Rav Gershuni goes on to note that a men’s zimmun does create an obligation of zimmun for women, even though women cannot make up the minyan for it. (See more here.) Therefore, he argues that women are obligated in sheva berachot at a meal as men are, and thus can recite sheva berachot:

On the one hand, Rav Gershuni’s argument roots a woman’s obligation in sheva berachot in the connection of the berachot to birkat ha-mazon and zimmun. On the other hand, he allows a woman to recite them because separate cups indicates that there is a distinction between zimmun and sheva berachot, and some factors specific to zimmun would thus not apply.

Customs and communal norms Women have not customarily recited sheva berachot. In some communities, doing so might also conflict with communal norms, and this is an additional consideration. In our piece here, we explore hesitations that have been voiced about women discharging obligations in practice, even when women are fully obligated. Rav Zalman Nechemya Goldberg goes so far as to identify these considerations with respect to birkat chatanim with the key halachic concern raised regarding a woman reading Torah for the community, kevod ha-tzibbur:²⁴

Though not going this far, Rav Yehuda Henkin has argued that a woman may not recite the berachot at a large gathering, out of concerns for customs and norms:

Elsewhere, he acknowledged that this ruling deliberately left open the possibility that a woman might recite sheva berachot at a meal, at least a more private one, where the occasion would be less clearly public.

At a meal, there is also no question of the berachot being a matir, since the couple are already permitted to each other.

Rav Gershuni likewise suggests caution with respect to communal norms, though he expresses doubt that people would go against the will of chatan and kalla at their simcha, if they would choose to honor women with reciting any of the sheva berachot:

Rav Gershuni also views offering women an opportunity to participate in ritual where there is halachic room for it as an important consideration. In a responsum reviewed by Rav Nahum Eliezer Rabinovitch, Eretz Hemda’s Responsa Be-mar’eh Ha-bazak cautions a couple about keeping to communal norms, but likewise cautions community members to respect that there is a lenient view that can be relied on:

Women participate in the chesed of causing bride and groom to rejoice, and listen to and respond to the berachot in fulfillment of the communal obligation. Reciting them, however, remains subject to debate. We discuss roles women can play at a wedding in practice here.