Mitzvot of Purim

What are the makings of a Jewish holiday? Holidays in the Torah entail rejoicing, special additional sacrifices (mussaf), unique mitzvot of the day, and a prohibition on performing labor (other than that needed for eating). We also recite special prayers and read Scripture.

Purim is the first major Jewish holiday not established by the Torah. A mussaf offering or tefillat mussaf is thus off the table. We do read Megillat Esther, which may itself be a form of reciting Hallel.¹ (We discuss the mitzva of reading megilla here.) Which of the other elements of a holiday do the sages incorporate into Purim?

The ninth chapter of Megillat Esther describes the various stages of Purim’s establishment. What begins in the year of the miracle as a victory party subsequently becomes a grassroots celebration in the unwalled cities. Inspired by these festivities, Mordechai sends letters to Jewish communities throughout the world to establish an official holiday. Eventually the Jewish people accepts the holiday as one for all their progeny from generation to generation, for each family and locale:

Note how the descriptions of the celebrations shift from stage to stage. We move from “a day of rejoicing and feasting” to “rejoicing and feasting and a festival and sending [food] portions from man to his fellow.” The victory party becomes a religious holiday, with a social bent that involves sending and sharing food. Mordechai then adds another component to Purim, concern for the poor, in the form of “gifts to the destitute.” At the same time, he omits calling Purim a festival (Yom Tov). The Talmud makes note of this omission:

The rejoicing of Purim, as on the festivals described by the Torah, precludes eulogizing or fasting. Whereas Torah-level festivals also entail a prohibition of performing labor, refraining from performing labor on Purim is only a matter of custom, and does not apply to labor related to the rejoicing or to mitzvot in general.

We have learned of several instances of women having the custom to refrain from labor to mark special occasions, during the nights of sefirat ha-omer, the first half-hour after Chanuka candles are lit, and Rosh Chodesh. Regarding Purim, the custom to refrain from labor is everyone’s and also more widespread.

The verses allude to obligations of Purim that represent the remaining characteristics of Yom Tov, festive rejoicing and mitzvot unique to the day: the rejoicing and festive meal (se’uda, also based on mishteh), mishlo’ach manot (sending portions of food to our fellows), and matanot la-evyonim (gifts to the destitute). Let’s take a look at these in more detail, starting with the Talmud’s elucidation of the last two.

Rav Yosef’s teaching is based on a close reading of the text. The verse talks about “a man” sending “portions” to “his fellow.” Thus, at minimum, this refers to sending two portions to one other person. It also says “gifts to poor people,” both in plural, so at minimum a total of two gifts to two people, i.e. one gift to each.²

What purpose do mishlo’ach manot serve? In the book of Nechemya, we learn of sending mishlo’ach manot before Rosh Ha-shana, to enable Jews who had not prepared in advance to celebrate the holiday:

The similarity between the verses in Nechemya and Esther implies that, on Purim as well, mishlo’ach manot serve to enhance the se’uda.³ Therefore, one should ideally give food portions that are fully prepared and suitable for consumption at the se’uda.⁴ Many halachic authorities also maintain that one should send two different kinds of food and/or drink.⁵

Aside from enhancing the se’uda, mishlo’ach manot increase feelings of affinity between Jews, as Chatam Sofer explains with allusions to the megilla:

While common practice is to distribute many smaller, less significant mishlo’ach manot, the mitzva fulfillment should ideally be with full servings of two portions of significant food for se’uda (i.e. not candy or a water bottle), so it is preferable to make an effort to send at least one such package:

Why does Mordechai add matanot la-evyonim to the obligations of Purim? He may take his cue from the Torah’s description of rejoicing on a festival:

Our rejoicing must include the more vulnerable elements of our community. A true celebration takes everyone into account. In this vein, Mordechai’s addition of matanot la-evyonim to the observances of Purim is itself a way to increase the simcha.⁶

Rejoicing only truly serves God when it is socially responsible. As Ritva explains, matanot la-evyonim on Purim are not strictly charity. Rather, they ensure that everyone can properly celebrate Purim. For that reason, we need not investigate to what extent someone is truly poor before we give them matanot la-evyonim.

Along these lines, to support rejoicing on Purim, matanot la-evyonim should consist of either food or money (as opposed to clothes or other items), and the money should be given on Purim day itself (so that it will not be spent earlier) or to an agent or organization in advance of Purim for distribution on Purim. There is no clear minimum amount, as long as there is enough to be considered a respectable gift, roughly enough to buy a portion of food.⁷

Given a choice between giving more mishlo’ach manot to one’s friends or more gifts to the poor, Rambam teaches that the clear preference is to give more gifts to the poor, because true simcha involves all members of society:

Mishlo’ach manot themselves are meant to increase feelings of goodwill, not peer pressure or competition. In an article in The Forward, Avital Chizhik-Goldschmidt explains why she is abandoning the growing trend of giving out over-the-top, pinterest-perfect mishlo’ach manot in favor of giving more matanot la-evyonim:⁸

Obligation

Are women obligated in the mitzvot of mishlo’ach manot and matanot la-evyonim?

The Talmud obligates women in the mitzva of megilla based on the principle of “inclusion in the miracle.”

While the Talmud does not mention whether “inclusion in the miracle” extends to the other mitzvot of Purim, halachic consensus seems to be that it does. In his Darchei Moshe, Rema quotes Mahari Brin as obligating a woman in both mitzvot just as she is obligated in megilla:

In his glosses to Shulchan Aruch, he simply states that a woman’s obligation is like a man’s:

While women’s obligation in matanot la-evyonim is not questioned, Peri Chadash asks how Rema can be so certain of women’s obligation in mishlo’ach manot, given that the verse specifies “ish,” from a man to his fellow:

Rav Ya’akov Emden responds by pointing out that the word “ish” does not always exclude a woman. Furthermore, the megilla’s phrase “the Jews enacted and accepted upon themselves and upon their progeny” (Esther 9:27, kiyyemu ve-kibbelu ha-Yehudim aleihem ve-al zar’am) makes clear that female progeny are included.

Married Women

Another possible explanation for the megilla‘s use of the word “ish” to describe the mitzva of “mishlo’ach manot“, advanced by Rav Ya’akov Reischer, is that inclusion in the miracle does extend to obligate women in other mitzvot of Purim, but with an exception regarding mishlo’ach manot, for married women who may find the mitzva difficult to manage.⁹

Indeed, Magen Avraham notes that, in his experience, a married woman is often not careful to give mishlo’ach manot herself.

Although Magen Avraham suggests that a husband might fulfill the obligation on his wife’s behalf, he rules that a woman should be stringent and perform the mitzvot herself. Aruch Ha-shulchan, too, writes that a woman should send mishlo’ach manot on her own, which was common custom in his milieu.

At the same time, Aruch Ha-shulchan rules that while dependent children must fulfill the obligation of matanot la-eyyonim themselves, a married couple may fulfill their obligation together, as halachically they are considered one unit.

Apparently, Aruch Ha-shulchan viewed matanot la-evyonim in the general context of tzedaka, a mitzva for which a married couple, with joint finances, are typically considered a single unit, in contrast with mishlo’ach manot. Note that he does still obligate children of age to give their own matanot la-evyonim.

There is even a custom for young children to deliver matanot la-evyonim, although children are not normally used as agents to fulfill halachic requirements, to educate children in tzedaka:

What should a married couple do in practice?

Each spouse should give at least one set of mishlo’ach manot on his or her own. If the couple prefer on the whole to give their mishlo’ach manot jointly, husband and wife should still designate one each that is specifically their own, although either spouse can deliver it on behalf of the other.

Alternatively, Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach allows for fulfilling the mitzva by giving a joint mishlo’ach manot from the couple or family, as long as it contains at least four portions worth of food (of at least two types), to satisfy both the husband’s and wife’s obligations:

In addition to suiting common practice, this recommendation harkens back to the megilla‘s description of the day as being celebrated by “each and every family.”

Woman to Woman

Mishlo’ach manot increase affinity between the sender and recipient. Rema, again drawing on Mahari Brin, writes that it is inappropriate for one to send mishlo’ach manot to someone of the opposite gender.

It was highly unusual in Rema’s day for a man to send gifts to a woman who was not his betrothed or wife, unless the gift was a matter of tzedaka. Rema is particularly concerned that a man would send mishlo’ach manot to a widow (or single woman) that might be considered sivlonot, nuptial gifts, and lead to a situation of halachic confusion regarding the woman’s marital status. Even were a woman to give to a man, the man might then be expected to reciprocate, raising the same question.

Now, it is not clear that mishlo’ach manot would really halachically be considered to effect kiddushin, especially if it is known that they are sent for the unique purpose of fulfilling the mitzva.¹⁰ Additionally, nowadays in many communities, interactions between men and women are more widespread. Rav Betzalel Stern therefore argues that in those communities, mishlo’ach manot between a man and woman should be acceptable, since it is done for the purpose of fulfilling a mitzva and is actually less fraught than other, more commonplace personal interactions:

Here, too, Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, makes an interesting practical suggestion, rooted in the concept of giving mishlo’ach manot as a family:

When families include women and men, we are not concerned about which member of a family actually gives or receives the mishlo’ach manot. Single-parent families, too, may choose to give mishlo’ach manot as a family to avoid the problems raised by the Rema. Single women and men should give their mishloach manot in accordance with communal customs.

As we’ve seen, mishlo’ach manot and matanot la-evyonim both connect the Purim se’uda to social responsibility. Jewish rejoicing seeks to include and support the most vulnerable members of our community.

The festive meal is an opportunity to rejoice before God with meat and wine. As Rambam points out, our celebration only truly serves God only when we open our homes to those who are destitute. (We could add those who are lonely, and even difficult to get along with.) Otherwise, it can become merely decadence and hedonism.

In general, finding the appropriate balance between feasting and serving God in other ways, as by learning Torah, can be a challenge on a festival. On Purim, though, there is no debate that festivities must find their place.¹¹

Rambam’s description of the Purim feast mentions meat and wine as at se’udat Yom Tov, with an extra note about drinking:

Drinking until one becomes drowsy can fulfill the Talmud’s statement advocating drinking until one’s ability to distinguish between Mordechai and Haman is blurred. The continuation of the passage, however, seems to undermine the statement:

Though its exact meaning is debated, the story of Rabba and Rabbi Zeira demonstrates the potentially grave consequences of drinking. Shulchan Aruch nevertheless rules that a person is obligated to become so inebriated on Purim that they do not know the difference between “cursed is Haman” and “blessed is Mordechai.” Rema cites an approach closer to Rambam’s, that one should simply drink more than usual to the point of drowsiness.

Rema reminds us that the point is not to drink in quantity. It is to drink in service of God. In his Beiur Halacha, Mishna Berura explains why the sages could seem to obligate drunkenness, which is usually discouraged, as a means of serving God on Purim:

While there are significant opinions that encourage inebriation, there are also many that encourage restraint. As Chayyei Adam writes:

In a sentiment similar to Rema, Chayyei Adam reminds us that the point of drinking on Purim is for the sake of Heaven; if it is possible that one will sin when drunk, it is best to stay sober.

In this context, it is also important to note that se’udat Purim, the Purim feast, takes place during the day, because the megilla singles out “days of feasting and rejoicing,” not nights.

While one may eat the seuda at any point throughout Purim day it is preferable to do so in the afternoon, after mincha, so that drinking does not interfere with the performance of other mitzvot of the day or with prayer.¹² “Ad de-lo yada” does not apply on Purim night.

There is little discussion of women’s obligation in se’udat Purim. Perhaps it goes without saying because women are obligated in mishlo’ach manot, which are so closely related to the se’uda. Rav Meir Brandsdorfer writes that women are obligated in se’udat Purim as in all other Purim mitzvot. He adds that for this reason a woman has an obligation to eat meat at her Purim se’uda (what vegetarians should do is another halachic discussion), even if she will need to go to the mikveh later that night. This is the case even though it is customary for women to refrain from eating meat before mikveh immersion, lest that complicate preparations for it.

Should women drink?

Although early halachic authorities such as Rema, Mishna Berura, and Aruch Ha-shulchan explicitly mention women’s obligations of mishlo’ach manot and matanot la-evyonim, they do not discuss whether women have an obligation to drink on Purim. It is only recently, in the past century or so, that halachic authorities have explicitly questioned whether women should be included in this obligation.

A Talmudic discussion of whether a husband is required to provide his wife with wine has become central to modern discussions of this question. The Talmud warns that women who have too much wine behave lewdly, and suggests that a woman should drink less than a man in general, unless she is in the presence of her husband, in which case drinking a bit more is acceptable.

This passage discourages women from heavy drinking, perhaps in line with lower physical alcohol tolerance overall for women than for men.¹³ It does not establish a special prohibition for women to get drunk.

In line with this passage, and general reservations about drunkenness on Purim, several halachic authorities rule that women are prohibited from getting drunk on Purim.

Rav Sternbuch points out that people who are not accustomed to get drunk are more likely to behave inappropriately when they become inebriated. He believes that women are in that category – and cautiously suggests that men may be as well.

He also seems to assume that someone seeking to drink on Purim ad de-lo yada will typically want to get drunk. If, however, we view drinking ad de-lo yada as only a bit more than what is usual for a person, there may be more room for women’s drinking even on his view. Rav Eliezer Melamed takes this approach:¹⁴

Both men and women should know their limits, to ensure they are drinking for the sake of Heaven, and only a bit more than usual.

In addition to intent, the environment in which we find ourselves on Purim should also be taken into account in our decision-making about drinking. A woman who is only with other women for se’uda, for example, might feel less concerned about drinking, because modesty and safety concerns are different from when the drinking is in a mixed crowd.

The complementary mitzvot of Purim enable us to serve God with body and soul, as individuals and as part of a community, in gratitude for and celebration of the Purim miracle.