Bat Mitzva

The minor is exempt, for he has not reached inclusion in mitzvot.

Abbaye said: Wherever an adult is obligated on a Torah level, we also educate a minor on a rabbinic level. Wherever an adult is exempt on a Torah level, a minor is also exempt on a rabbinic level.

A girl who has brought forth two [pubic] hairs…is obligated in all the mitzvot mentioned in the Torah. And, similarly, a boy who has brought forth two hairs is obligated in all the mitzvot mentioned in the Torah…

So would Rabbi Shimon say: The sages provided three signs of a woman’s [physical maturing] below, and corresponding to them above.

A girl of eleven years old and a day, her vows are checked [for validity, depending on her comprehension]. At twelve years and a day, her vows stand. And we check all through the twelfth year. A boy of twelve years and a day, his vows are checked. A boy of thirteen years and a day, his vows stand, and we check all through the thirteenth year. Prior to this time, even though they said: “We know to Whom we vow, to Whom we have sanctified [something],” their vows are not vows and their sanctification is not sanctification. After this time, even if they said: “We don’t know to Whom we vowed or to Whom we sanctified [something],” their vow is a vow and their sanctification is sanctification.

That you asked, from where do we know that a boy of thirteen years and one day is subject to punishment [for transgression] but less than that is not, know that it is a halacha le-Moshe mi-Sinai…

Rav Chisda said: What is Rabbi [Yehuda Ha-Nassi]’s reason? For it is written “And the Lord [God] built up [va-yiven] the rib.” It teaches that God gave extra discernment [bina] to a woman, more than to a man.

A girl from the day of her birth until twelve complete years is called a minor or called a child. And even if she brought forth some hairs within this time, they are only like a mole, but if she brought forth two hairs low in her body in the known places for growing hair and she is twelve years and a day or older, she is called a na’ara. And bringing forth two hairs at this point is called the lower sign. And once she brings forth the lower sign, she is called a na’ara for six full months, and from the beginning of the day of completing the six months and on she is called a bogeret, and the only difference between na’arut and bagerut is six months.

Didn’t Rava say: A ketana who has reached her years does not require checking [of her signs]. There is a halachic presumption that she has brought forth signs…And regarding chalitza [release from levirate marriage] we are concerned [that she has not brought signs unless we check]…

That we do not permit her to perform chalitza without checking at all, since there is a Torah level prohibition, and ish [man] is written in the parasha and we link an isha [woman] to an ish …For [in general] we rely on this chazaka even regarding a Torah prohibition…

Nevertheless, we are not particular, rather whoever reaches his years we presume he is an [halachic] adult and we say that regarding this matter [of joining for minyan] presumably he has brought forth two hairs.

Regarding this matter: Explanation: since tefilla is rabbinic.

For this matter: He means to say for the matter of prayer, which is rabbinic, and even according to the halachic authorities who maintain that prayer is on a Torah level, in any case counting toward the ten is not on a Torah level, perforce we rely on this and we say, since he reached his years, presumably he brought forth two hairs, for most people since they have reached their years presumably bring forth two hairs, but regarding other Torah-level obligations it [the presumption] does not work.

For if a man or a woman can gather all the words of kiddush [to repeat them] from the mouth of this thirteen-year-old word for word without leaving any out, and look at the wine that is in the cup in [the boy’s] hand, this is considered kiddush on a Torah and rabbinic level.

…A person’s day of matan Torah is when he becomes bar mitzva and becomes obligated in Torah and mitzvot…

Rav Yosef [who was blind] said: At first, I would have said that were someone to say that the halacha is according to Rabbi Yehuda, who said a blind man is exempt from mitzvot, I would make a festive celebration for the sages, for I am not commanded and I perform mitzvot. Now that I have heard this [teaching] of Rabbi Chanina, that Rabbi Chanina said, ‘Greater is one who is commanded and does [a mitzva] than one who is not commanded and does [a mitzva],’ on the contrary, were someone to say to me that the halacha is not according to Rabbi Yehuda, I would make a festive celebration for the sages.

The bar mitzva meal that the Ashkenazim make, it would seem that there can be no greater mitzva meal, and its name demonstrates this. And they make a celebration, and give praise and thanks to God, that the youth has merited to become bar mitzva, and one who is commanded and performs [mitzvot] is greater, and the father has merited to raise him to this point, to bring him into the full covenant of Torah. There is a clear proof in the end of the first chapter of Kiddushin (31a).… [Rav Yosef] wished to make a festive celebration over good news that did not become known to him until now. All the more so that it is fitting to make a festive celebration over reaching the time and occasion.

…Immediately when he reaches thirteen years and one day, they should make a festive meal, and educate him to [lead] birkat ha-mazon, and to [lead] prayer on an occasional basis. And since it was not done at the proper time, and now we also do not know the proper time, why should it be called a mitzva meal….for perhaps the proper time has not yet come. On the strength of relying on the chazaka, he should have educated him immediately, and made a festive meal. In any case, it seems that where we educate the youth to expound during the meal about the occasion.

Rabbi Elazar said: a person needs to care for [take responsibility for] his son until [he reaches] thirteen years, from then on he [the father] needs to say: Blessed is He Who exempted me from this one’s punishment [Baruch she-petarani me-onsho shel zeh].

From this one’s punishment: Explanation—that until now, the father was punished when the son would sin, because he did not educate him. But Levush explains it as the opposite, that until now, the son was punished for the iniquity of the father, and see there.

There are those who say that one whose son became bar mitzva should recite the beracha “Blessed are You O Lord, Our God, King of the universe, who has released me from this one’s punishment,” but this is unclear, for if they hold [liability for] the deeds of their fathers in their hands, he [the descendant] is not exempt for a number of generations as it is written [Devarim 5:9] “Who visits the sin of the fathers [until the third and fourth generation…]” and it is good to recite it without [mentioning] God’s name or kingship.

There are those who say, one whose son becomes bar mitzva, recites the beracha: “Blessed are You O Lord, Our God, King of the universe, who has released me from this one’s punishment,” and it is good to recite the beracha without [God’s] name and kingship.

It is written in Bereishit Rabba …One who has a son who reaches thirteen years, the father needs to recite the beracha: “Blessed is the One who has released me from this one’s punishment.” There are those who say it the first time that the son goes up to read from the Torah. The Ga’on Rabbi Yehudai stood up in the synagogue and recited this beracha the first time that his son read from the Torah.

With a woman whose son becomes bar mitzva, she is not obligated to educate him…and it is possible that the son is not punished on account of his mother’s sin, and this certainly makes sense, as it is written [Shemot 34:7] “Who visits the sin of the fathers…”

Behold, fundamentally there is no place nor reason to distinguish between a man and a woman in the obligation of the berachot of thanksgiving. See Shulchan Aruch OC 219, in Magen Avraham 1. And since a man is obligated to recite the beracha, a woman is certainly also obligated to recite the beracha. But there are matters where the sages were stringent regarding the manner in which they are performed, that the one who is obligated should recite the beracha specifically in the presence of ten, and on the day of the [Torah] reading, and at the time that they called him up to the Torah. And only if it is impossible that they should call him up to the Torah, he recites the beracha on the bima immediately after the Torah reading. This is despite the fact that this is not associated with the beracha on the Torah. Like the custom with birkat ha-gomel, thus with the beracha of Baruch she-petarani me-onsho shel zeh, that the father of the son recites the beracha when they call him [the son] up for the first time, when his son becomes bar mitzva. For this isn’t relevant for a woman nowadays, when we do not call a woman up to the Torah.

Behold, why should he not recite a beracha for a girl aged twelve with two hairs? According to the explanation of Levush that young children are punished on account of the father, there is no difference between males and females. And according to one who says [it is on account of completing the obligation of] chinuch, one can say that he [the father] is not obligated to educate his young daughter, see Magen Avraham 343:1. Even according to one who says he is obligated, she doesn’t have so many mitzvot that he needs to educate her in her youth…

Regarding the matter of a daughter who has reached the age of twelve years and a day, that according to the explanation of Levush “who has released me from this one’s punishment,” means that the son would be punished until now for the iniquity of the father; if so, also for the daughter one should recite the beracha of “she-petarani me-onshah shel zo.” …Even according to [the logic of] Magen Avraham one should recite a beracha [of baruch she-petarani] also for his daughter who has reached mitzvot, and that which is written in the midrash “his son” is not precise, for so is the law for his daughter… So it seems to me….Especially according to what that is written that the fundamental halacha is to recite the beracha without God’s name or kingship; if so, there is no concern at all in reciting it also for a daughter who has reached mitzvot. And this requires no hesitation…

Also the daughter on the day that she enters obligation in mitzvot even though they are not accustomed to hold a se’uda for her, nevertheless she should be joyous on that day and dress in Shabbat clothes, and if she has access to it she should wear a new garment and recite the beracha of she-hechiyyanu, and intend [its recitation] also over her entry into the yoke of mitzvot.

It is good [for the bar mitzva] to wear a new garment or to eat a new fruit on that day and to intend with the beracha of she-hechiyyanu that he is entering the yoke of mitzvot, and also a girl should do this upon entering the thirteenth year, to recite the beracha of she-hechiyyanu over a new garment or new fruit, even though we don’t make a se’uda for her. And so wrote Ben Ish Chai Re’eh 17, and if she knows how to learn, she should learn on that day more than on other days and so the son should do thus…

Bat Mitsva ceremonies, apparently inaugurated in Germany, France, and Italy in the nineteenth century, have developed in twentieth-century America along denominational lines. Beginning slowly, most notably in 1922 with the Bat Mitsva of the daughter of Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan, the 1950s and 1960s witnessed a ceremonial evolution in the Conservative movement. During the thirties and forties the Reform movement still concentrated on confirmation ceremonies rather than on the controversial Bat Mitsva. The ritual celebration of Bat Mitsva became ensconced within Reform, Conservative, and Reconstructionist congregations in the 1970s and 1980s. By the 1970s many in the Orthodox movement sought ways to fit a Bat Mitsva into the established order of services.

I will say the truth: that also in my humble opinion I concur with the conclusion of the highest great rabbinic authorities to prohibit [bat mitzva celebrations], whether in their time, and whether in public [or] at home, since in the public celebration for a daughter, one cannot avoid stumbling with appurtenances of illicit sexual conduct in several respects, and [a hint] is enough for the wise. How much more so, since who ever mentioned such a thing, to come and call it a mitzva or to call it a se’udat mitzva. I was a youth and have become old, and I never saw within the Haredi camp that they would practice it, or that such an idea would arise on their holy lips, to hold a bat mitzva celebration, for they knew and understood that in any event they could not prevent inappropriate sexual thoughts from a setting like this, regardless of what will be. And I want to emphasize that even the Ben Ish Chai does not write as though it is fitting to establish the custom of making her a se’uda, and on the contrary, he writes in his words that they were not accustomed to make her a seuda, and this is a form of “go out to see what the people do,” and it is almost certain that this is because of making a fence that they not come to stumble with appurtenances of illicit sexual conduct. And his honor does not suggest even with a hint to change this and to establish this custom to make ase’uda; rather, he writes that with all of this (even though the custom is not to make a se’uda) the daughter “should be joyous on that day and dress in Shabbat clothes, and if she has access to it she should wear a new garment and recite the beracha of she-hechiyyanu, and intend [its recitation] also over her entry into the yoke of mitzvot” as you would see there, and this is certainly desirable and accepted and no one questions it.

That which his elevated honor raises the difficulty, why there is no mitzva in holding a se’udat bat mitzva when a daughter becomes twelve as with a son, for also a daughter now becomes obligated in mitzvot….And what is correct in my humble opinion is because a practical distinction is not recognizable for a girl when she becomes a gedola more than when she was a minor, and it is not like a boy, where it is quite recognizable that from now on we count him for every matter that requires a minyan of ten and a minyan of three. And for mere knowledge, when it is not recognizable in practice, we don’t hold a se’udat mitzva of rejoicing, even when fundamentally the same rejoicing really applies.

The recent emphasis on Bar/Bat Mitsva ceremonies is characteristically North American and symbolic of a major shift in the modern practice of Judaism. In the premodern era Jewish celebrations focused on historic and communal events. Rites de passage were minimal for the most part. Certainly, they did not focus on the individual in the way that today’s life cycle ceremonies do. Bar Mitsva celebrations were festive communal occasions for emphasizing the integration, if not submersion, of the individual into the community. The contemporary counterpart is a celebration of the individual as an individual, focusing on her/his accomplishment and singularity. This shift naturally fits into the cultural context of American individualism. It is a personal experience that is not privatized. It may take place in the community, in the public sphere, but its purpose is the glorification and display of the individual, not the collective. The battle for the Bat Mitsva becomes comprehensible in this changed environment. It is about the religious and communal celebration of women as individuals. Opportunities for personal public ritual participation and support were once unavailable to women and unimportant for both men and women. The changed emphasis in the general Jewish community has resulted in a shift to increase women’s involvement and responsibility.

Regarding the matter of those who wish to practice some observance and rejoicing for daughters when they’ve become benot mitzva, one should not do this in the synagogue under any circumstances, not even at night, for the synagogue is not a place for matters that are optional [but not a mitzva], even when they were built with a condition [that the building may be used for other purposes], and the ceremony of bat mitzva is certainly optional and inconsequential, and there is no place to permit doing this in the synagogue. And how much more so with this, that originates from the Reform and Conservative. And only if the father wants to make some simcha in his home he is permitted, but there is no matter or basis at all to consider this a matter of mitzva and a se’udat mitzva, for it is only like a mere birthday party. And if I had the strength, I’d also cancel in our lands the observance of the bar mitzva for boys, which as is known doesn’t bring any person closer to Torah and mitzvot and not even the bar mitzva, even for one moment, and on the contrary in many places leads to violating Shabbat and other prohibitions.

A feast and rejoicing that they make for a bat mitzva, I have already written in my book OC 104 that it has no connection to a mitzva and it is an optional se’uda and rejoicing like a mere birthday party, and one should not do it in the synagogue. But if it was built from the outset to make in it parties that are prohibited [in a synagogue], that it was never made with the sanctity of a synagogue …, it is permissible to make optional se’udot and semachot there, for it is only like all of those of a non-religious nature, but they should be held in a kosher manner and without prohibited dancing.

Regarding the matter of celebrating a bat mitzva…to make a kiddush in the synagogue when they have the custom in many synagogues in this country to make for every simcha a person has, this simcha is no worse than other semachot that they make.

For it certainly seems that there is a mitzva to hold a se’uda and celebration for a bat mitzva…and here, too a girl who becomes obligated in all the mitzvot in which a woman is obligated, and becomes one who is commanded and does, it is good to make it a festive celebration, and there is also a mitzva. And so I saw in Ben Ish Chai…for behold even though he wrote that they were not accustomed (in his time) to make her a se’uda, nowadays when we make a se’uda for a bat mitzva, it is good that they do so. And so it seems from the language of Ben Ish Chai, who attributed this matter simply to custom…and I saw Rav Moshe Feinstein in Iggerot Moshe…and with forgiveness of his honor, his words are not clear, for since she entered [obligation in] mitzvot and is as an adult who is commanded and does, regarding all the mitzvot in which a woman is obligated, certainly there is a mitzva in this, as in the words of Ben Ish Chai.

Now let’s see regarding our matter if it is permissible to celebrate a bat mitzva celebration. And there are those who wish to prohibit on account of u-vchukoteihem (See Responsa Zekan Aharon 6). And in my humble opinion it depends on this, that if we should say that a confirmation of a non-Jew is for the purpose of idolatry, one should prohibit any sort of [bat mitzva] on account of u-vchukoteihem …but that according to this we should also have prohibited celebration of a bar mitzva, for they hold confirmations for males as well…And also Reform [Jews] from our people don’t do this in order to resemble them [Christians], but rather for the sake of a family celebration and their joy that their son has reached maturity. And those of our brethren who have innovated the practice of bat mitzva say that they do this in order to strengthen in the heart of the girl, who has reached [obligation in] mitzvot, a feeling of love for Judaism and its mitzvot, to arouse in her a feeling of pride in her Jewishness and in her being daughter to a great and sacred people. And it doesn’t matter to us that the non-Jews also celebrate a confirmation, whether for sons or for daughters.

And there are those who claim against the permissibility of celebrating a bat mitzva, since it is against the custom of earlier generations, that did not practice this custom. But in truth this is not a claim, for in the generations that came before us they didn’t need to occupy themselves with chinuch of daughters, since everyone of Israel was full of Torah and fear of Heaven, and also the atmosphere in each and every city of Israel was full and saturated with the scent and spirit of Judaism, and the daughters who grew up in a Jewish home breathed in the spirit of Judaism without any effort and practically suckled on Judaism from their mothers’ breasts. But now, the generations have changed tremendously. The influence of the street uproots from the heart of every young man or woman any spark of Judaism, and the girls are educated in non-Jewish schools or in secular schools, that don’t strive to inculcate in the heart of their students love for the Torah of Israel and for the holy customs of full Judaism, now it is cast upon us to concentrate all our efforts on the education of girls…And the path of straight logic and the obligation of pedagogy practically obligates celebrating also for a girl her reaching obligation in mitzvot, and the discrimination between boys and girls regarding celebrating maturity deeply hurts the human feelings of the maturing girl, who in other fields has already merited the rights of emancipation, as it were…And even though I tend to permit celebration of bat mitzva, in any case I agree with the view of Rav Moshe Feinstein in his book Iggerot Moshe OC IV 36, that one should not celebrate this celebration in the synagogue, not even at night and even if no men are there, but only in a private home or in a simcha hall adjacent to the synagogue…but they should not forget that also those who lean toward permission for this new custom of celebrating a bat mitzva, their heart beats with anxiety to strengthen the religious education of the daughters of Israel, who in the circumstances of life in this generation especially need religious fortifying and moral encouragement upon reaching the age of mitzvot….One should just take care that this custom should truly serve as a strengthening and fortifying of the dominance of the spirit of Torah and mitzvot in the heart of the daughters of Israel.

On condition that the Rabbi give an educational derasha before the girl who is coming of age, and caution her to keep the key mitzvot from this day onward in matters between her and God (kashrut, Shabbat, taharat ha-mishpacha), taking care of chinuch of children, and the obligation of encouraging and strengthening the husband in learning Torah and keeping mitzvot…

It is possible to mark this event as a day of happiness and rejoicing, within the circle of relatives and friends in her home and in the girls’ school in which she learns, and the teacher there (man or woman) can give a sermon related to the matters of the day, to clarify the obligations of a daughter of Israel who has reached the age of mitzvot.

…That which his high honor raised a difficulty why there is no mitzva in a se’udat bat mitzva when the daughter becomes twelve years old, as with a son, for the daughter also becomes obligated now in mitzvot, and one can further strengthen the difficulty that [it is so] even though the daughter doesn’t give a derasha, for even if she does give a derasha, there is no halachic quality [of the meal], for she is exempt from learning Torah.

….When a woman has learned with diligence and persistence and has merited to complete a tractate, she has at least fulfilled the mitzva of learning Torah like one who is not commanded and performs [a mitzva] and receives reward for her learning Torah….Perhaps she is considered one who is commanded and performs [a mitzva] on account of the aspect of knowing the Torah, and it is clear that the joy in Torah in this is very great for the woman and her household, to the point that the entire house is full of light and joy….And since she herself did the entire mitzva, that went on for a long time, who can assess the extent of the joy of her heart…and it is considered a se’udat mitzva, so I see it.

Regarding the matter of the very celebration of a bat mitzva…to make a kiddush in the synagogue….She [the bat mitzva] is permitted also to say some words in honor of her simcha.

It is good and fitting to make a day of rejoicing for a bat mitzva as we do for a bar mitzva, to invite relatives and friends and acquaintances and to have them join in the simcha, on that occasion the bat mitzva can recite a beracha of she-hechiyyanu over a new garment, and if she is learned, it is fitting that she say words regarding the matter of the day, and read the song of Devora and the first two verses of Tefillat Channa, and the father of the bat mitzva should say baruch she-petarani me-onshah shel zot, and they [attendees] should bless her and say to her “our sister, you shall be to tens of thousands.”

Regarding the girl’s derasha – indeed, there is room nowadays for the girl to prepare (as independently as possible, although with the guidance of an adult) a nice idea, and express it in the presence of her friends and relatives only. Tzeni’ut is appropriate for a girl, and it is fitting to educate her for this. There is certainly no room for a girl to give a derasha in the synagogue, and how very much more so, not during the tefilla.

In my opinion, the process of preparation is more important than the bat mitzvah party. The party should be the culmination of the study preceding it. In discussions held with parents before their daughter’s bat mitzvah, I stress that the starting point needs to be the girl. First and foremost, her interests, inclinations, and abilities need to be recognized…It’s also important to find the right topic. To a girl drawn to ecology I suggested writing an essay on ecology and Judaism; a girl who was interested in animals wrote a sermon on animal imagery in rabbbinical literature…Lately, I find that more and more girls are compiling booklets for their bat mitzvah. The girl’s sermon and those of her parents are printed in these booklets, along with the relevant primary sources, and sometimes including songs and Grace after Meals. Verbal-intellectual activities, though, are not appropriate for every girl; some girls do not want to give a sermon.

May the One Who blessed our matriarchs, Sara Rivka Rachel and Leah, bless the young woman [na’ara] ___ daughter of ___ who has reached her maturity. May our Father who is in Heaven, Merciful Father, protect her and guard her soul. May He remove from her any sickness and deliver her from all trouble and harm. May her father and mother rejoice in her and may she find grace and good understanding in the eyes of God and people, and may the verse be fulfilled in her: A God-fearing woman, she is praised, give her from the fruit of her hand and may they praise her deeds in the gates. Amen. So may it be Thy will.

Becoming bar or bat mitzva is the equivalent, on an individual level, of kabbalat ha-Torah, receiving the Torah, of Sinai, which was on a national level. This refers not only to kabbalat mitzvot, the acceptance of the obligation to fulfill the commandments, but also to receiving and acquiring the Torah itself, as a gift from God. This is equally true for men and for women (as we see from birchot ha-Torah, which are incumbent on men and women, and which Rav Chaim Soloveitchik explains as referring to the relationship of Jews to the Torah itself, concerning which there is no difference between men and women). Hence, becoming a bat mitzva is most properly accompanied by an experience of learning Torah, of showing an accomplishment of acquiring Torah. A siyyum is therefore the most appropriate and significant way to show that the bat mitzva is a member of the people of Torah, in the full meaning expressed in the daily birchot ha-Torah—experiencing Torah, learning Torah and knowing God, and being chosen to be the people of Torah. A siyyum engenders a se’udat mitzva, and it is customary to recite the special kaddish de-rabbanan.

In honor of my bat mitzva, I made a siyyum on Seder Mo’ed, and they celebrated for me exactly as for my brothers—this is something that in my time was not done, there was not then a religious demand from daughters. My parents chose that I should say a derasha, that there should be invitations, a photographer, and catering. This was a meaningful event. The owner of the catering business said to us that he had never cooked for a bat mitzva, only for a bar mitzva. They invited many people, among them I remember also Nechama Leibowitz. Today when girls come here [to Beit Midrash Migdal Oz] for a Bat Mitzva day program, and I ask how they mark it, many tell that they are making a siyyum on a tractate or Tanach or Sefer Ha-chinuch. The world has changed and this moves me.

The story that is important — the narrative that a child joins on this occasion — is the story of the Jewish people. That’s the exciting, meaningful story. A bar/bat mitzvah is not a celebration of a child….The bar/bat mitzvah is arguably not a celebration at all. It is a marker of a major transition in the life of a Jewish person: when he or she takes on the adult responsibilities incumbent upon being a member of the Jewish community. These include visiting the sick, giving a tenth of one’s income to charity (yes, this includes bar/bat mitzvah checks), participating in collective prayer services, observing Shabbat and holidays, studying texts of Jewish meaning, attuning oneself to the grammar of compassion that is foundational to our faith. The list goes on…[T]hat’s what the bar/bat mitzvah is all about. It’s not about the child. It’s about our Jewish story. If we keep telling kids through videos and speeches how wonderful they are but forget to tell them how wonderful Jewish life is, then we will have failed them at this transitional time. Our job as Jewish adults is to welcome and inspire a new crop of Jewish adults to take their place in this majestic story. Don’t tell them that they are fabulous the way they are but just how fabulous they could be if they took one great meaningful leap into their own Jewish future.

…[As in the case of the derasha, the principal value of the siyyum does not lie in the one-time event of the se’udah itself. Rather, it is the culmination of a long and meaningful process for the girl, who has taken it upon herself to learn the Torah and to transform it into her own Torah, and has realized her goal. The importance of the ceremony is in its power to motivate and strengthen the girl to continue learning.

…What I can’t forget is the message I want, I need, my daughter to have.This is her beginning. This is her start. As prepared as she hopefully will be, this is only her first step. Her bat mitzvah is her time to shine. It is her time to be the star. But the next morning is what really counts. When she wakes up as a Jewish woman. When she wakes up as a bat mitzvah. And when she recognizes that all the learning and development will only continue and grow.

A word to parents: Speak with your daughter about this transition. About the question of what is the meaning of the yoke of mitzvot. About process, ups and downs in serving God. About effort and striving and developing the ability to be careful even with mitzvot that flow less easily for us, about the process of rectification and teshuva and also about the understanding that we are not always perfect. Speak with her about Torah as a way of life, share with her your personal processes at this age, and, primarily, be with her in this amazing process of her growing up and building herself as another link in the chain of the Jewish people.

The minor is exempt, for he has not reached inclusion in mitzvot.

Abbaye said: Wherever an adult is obligated on a Torah level, we also educate a minor on a rabbinic level. Wherever an adult is exempt on a Torah level, a minor is also exempt on a rabbinic level.

A girl who has brought forth two [pubic] hairs…is obligated in all the mitzvot mentioned in the Torah. And, similarly, a boy who has brought forth two hairs is obligated in all the mitzvot mentioned in the Torah…

So would Rabbi Shimon say: The sages provided three signs of a woman’s [physical maturing] below, and corresponding to them above.

A girl of eleven years old and a day, her vows are checked [for validity, depending on her comprehension]. At twelve years and a day, her vows stand. And we check all through the twelfth year. A boy of twelve years and a day, his vows are checked. A boy of thirteen years and a day, his vows stand, and we check all through the thirteenth year. Prior to this time, even though they said: “We know to Whom we vow, to Whom we have sanctified [something],” their vows are not vows and their sanctification is not sanctification. After this time, even if they said: “We don’t know to Whom we vowed or to Whom we sanctified [something],” their vow is a vow and their sanctification is sanctification.

That you asked, from where do we know that a boy of thirteen years and one day is subject to punishment [for transgression] but less than that is not, know that it is a halacha le-Moshe mi-Sinai…

Rav Chisda said: What is Rabbi [Yehuda Ha-Nassi]’s reason? For it is written “And the Lord [God] built up [va-yiven] the rib.” It teaches that God gave extra discernment [bina] to a woman, more than to a man.

A girl from the day of her birth until twelve complete years is called a minor or called a child. And even if she brought forth some hairs within this time, they are only like a mole, but if she brought forth two hairs low in her body in the known places for growing hair and she is twelve years and a day or older, she is called a na’ara. And bringing forth two hairs at this point is called the lower sign. And once she brings forth the lower sign, she is called a na’ara for six full months, and from the beginning of the day of completing the six months and on she is called a bogeret, and the only difference between na’arut and bagerut is six months.

Didn’t Rava say: A ketana who has reached her years does not require checking [of her signs]. There is a halachic presumption that she has brought forth signs…And regarding chalitza [release from levirate marriage] we are concerned [that she has not brought signs unless we check]…

That we do not permit her to perform chalitza without checking at all, since there is a Torah level prohibition, and ish [man] is written in the parasha and we link an isha [woman] to an ish …For [in general] we rely on this chazaka even regarding a Torah prohibition…

Nevertheless, we are not particular, rather whoever reaches his years we presume he is an [halachic] adult and we say that regarding this matter [of joining for minyan] presumably he has brought forth two hairs.

Regarding this matter: Explanation: since tefilla is rabbinic.

For this matter: He means to say for the matter of prayer, which is rabbinic, and even according to the halachic authorities who maintain that prayer is on a Torah level, in any case counting toward the ten is not on a Torah level, perforce we rely on this and we say, since he reached his years, presumably he brought forth two hairs, for most people since they have reached their years presumably bring forth two hairs, but regarding other Torah-level obligations it [the presumption] does not work.

For if a man or a woman can gather all the words of kiddush [to repeat them] from the mouth of this thirteen-year-old word for word without leaving any out, and look at the wine that is in the cup in [the boy’s] hand, this is considered kiddush on a Torah and rabbinic level.

…A person’s day of matan Torah is when he becomes bar mitzva and becomes obligated in Torah and mitzvot…

Rav Yosef [who was blind] said: At first, I would have said that were someone to say that the halacha is according to Rabbi Yehuda, who said a blind man is exempt from mitzvot, I would make a festive celebration for the sages, for I am not commanded and I perform mitzvot. Now that I have heard this [teaching] of Rabbi Chanina, that Rabbi Chanina said, ‘Greater is one who is commanded and does [a mitzva] than one who is not commanded and does [a mitzva],’ on the contrary, were someone to say to me that the halacha is not according to Rabbi Yehuda, I would make a festive celebration for the sages.

The bar mitzva meal that the Ashkenazim make, it would seem that there can be no greater mitzva meal, and its name demonstrates this. And they make a celebration, and give praise and thanks to God, that the youth has merited to become bar mitzva, and one who is commanded and performs [mitzvot] is greater, and the father has merited to raise him to this point, to bring him into the full covenant of Torah. There is a clear proof in the end of the first chapter of Kiddushin (31a).… [Rav Yosef] wished to make a festive celebration over good news that did not become known to him until now. All the more so that it is fitting to make a festive celebration over reaching the time and occasion.

…Immediately when he reaches thirteen years and one day, they should make a festive meal, and educate him to [lead] birkat ha-mazon, and to [lead] prayer on an occasional basis. And since it was not done at the proper time, and now we also do not know the proper time, why should it be called a mitzva meal….for perhaps the proper time has not yet come. On the strength of relying on the chazaka, he should have educated him immediately, and made a festive meal. In any case, it seems that where we educate the youth to expound during the meal about the occasion.

Rabbi Elazar said: a person needs to care for [take responsibility for] his son until [he reaches] thirteen years, from then on he [the father] needs to say: Blessed is He Who exempted me from this one’s punishment [Baruch she-petarani me-onsho shel zeh].

From this one’s punishment: Explanation—that until now, the father was punished when the son would sin, because he did not educate him. But Levush explains it as the opposite, that until now, the son was punished for the iniquity of the father, and see there.

There are those who say that one whose son became bar mitzva should recite the beracha “Blessed are You O Lord, Our God, King of the universe, who has released me from this one’s punishment,” but this is unclear, for if they hold [liability for] the deeds of their fathers in their hands, he [the descendant] is not exempt for a number of generations as it is written [Devarim 5:9] “Who visits the sin of the fathers [until the third and fourth generation…]” and it is good to recite it without [mentioning] God’s name or kingship.

There are those who say, one whose son becomes bar mitzva, recites the beracha: “Blessed are You O Lord, Our God, King of the universe, who has released me from this one’s punishment,” and it is good to recite the beracha without [God’s] name and kingship.

It is written in Bereishit Rabba …One who has a son who reaches thirteen years, the father needs to recite the beracha: “Blessed is the One who has released me from this one’s punishment.” There are those who say it the first time that the son goes up to read from the Torah. The Ga’on Rabbi Yehudai stood up in the synagogue and recited this beracha the first time that his son read from the Torah.

With a woman whose son becomes bar mitzva, she is not obligated to educate him…and it is possible that the son is not punished on account of his mother’s sin, and this certainly makes sense, as it is written [Shemot 34:7] “Who visits the sin of the fathers…”

Behold, fundamentally there is no place nor reason to distinguish between a man and a woman in the obligation of the berachot of thanksgiving. See Shulchan Aruch OC 219, in Magen Avraham 1. And since a man is obligated to recite the beracha, a woman is certainly also obligated to recite the beracha. But there are matters where the sages were stringent regarding the manner in which they are performed, that the one who is obligated should recite the beracha specifically in the presence of ten, and on the day of the [Torah] reading, and at the time that they called him up to the Torah. And only if it is impossible that they should call him up to the Torah, he recites the beracha on the bima immediately after the Torah reading. This is despite the fact that this is not associated with the beracha on the Torah. Like the custom with birkat ha-gomel, thus with the beracha of Baruch she-petarani me-onsho shel zeh, that the father of the son recites the beracha when they call him [the son] up for the first time, when his son becomes bar mitzva. For this isn’t relevant for a woman nowadays, when we do not call a woman up to the Torah.

Behold, why should he not recite a beracha for a girl aged twelve with two hairs? According to the explanation of Levush that young children are punished on account of the father, there is no difference between males and females. And according to one who says [it is on account of completing the obligation of] chinuch, one can say that he [the father] is not obligated to educate his young daughter, see Magen Avraham 343:1. Even according to one who says he is obligated, she doesn’t have so many mitzvot that he needs to educate her in her youth…

Regarding the matter of a daughter who has reached the age of twelve years and a day, that according to the explanation of Levush “who has released me from this one’s punishment,” means that the son would be punished until now for the iniquity of the father; if so, also for the daughter one should recite the beracha of “she-petarani me-onshah shel zo.” …Even according to [the logic of] Magen Avraham one should recite a beracha [of baruch she-petarani] also for his daughter who has reached mitzvot, and that which is written in the midrash “his son” is not precise, for so is the law for his daughter… So it seems to me….Especially according to what that is written that the fundamental halacha is to recite the beracha without God’s name or kingship; if so, there is no concern at all in reciting it also for a daughter who has reached mitzvot. And this requires no hesitation…

Also the daughter on the day that she enters obligation in mitzvot even though they are not accustomed to hold a se’uda for her, nevertheless she should be joyous on that day and dress in Shabbat clothes, and if she has access to it she should wear a new garment and recite the beracha of she-hechiyyanu, and intend [its recitation] also over her entry into the yoke of mitzvot.

It is good [for the bar mitzva] to wear a new garment or to eat a new fruit on that day and to intend with the beracha of she-hechiyyanu that he is entering the yoke of mitzvot, and also a girl should do this upon entering the thirteenth year, to recite the beracha of she-hechiyyanu over a new garment or new fruit, even though we don’t make a se’uda for her. And so wrote Ben Ish Chai Re’eh 17, and if she knows how to learn, she should learn on that day more than on other days and so the son should do thus…

Bat Mitsva ceremonies, apparently inaugurated in Germany, France, and Italy in the nineteenth century, have developed in twentieth-century America along denominational lines. Beginning slowly, most notably in 1922 with the Bat Mitsva of the daughter of Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan, the 1950s and 1960s witnessed a ceremonial evolution in the Conservative movement. During the thirties and forties the Reform movement still concentrated on confirmation ceremonies rather than on the controversial Bat Mitsva. The ritual celebration of Bat Mitsva became ensconced within Reform, Conservative, and Reconstructionist congregations in the 1970s and 1980s. By the 1970s many in the Orthodox movement sought ways to fit a Bat Mitsva into the established order of services.

I will say the truth: that also in my humble opinion I concur with the conclusion of the highest great rabbinic authorities to prohibit [bat mitzva celebrations], whether in their time, and whether in public [or] at home, since in the public celebration for a daughter, one cannot avoid stumbling with appurtenances of illicit sexual conduct in several respects, and [a hint] is enough for the wise. How much more so, since who ever mentioned such a thing, to come and call it a mitzva or to call it a se’udat mitzva. I was a youth and have become old, and I never saw within the Haredi camp that they would practice it, or that such an idea would arise on their holy lips, to hold a bat mitzva celebration, for they knew and understood that in any event they could not prevent inappropriate sexual thoughts from a setting like this, regardless of what will be. And I want to emphasize that even the Ben Ish Chai does not write as though it is fitting to establish the custom of making her a se’uda, and on the contrary, he writes in his words that they were not accustomed to make her a seuda, and this is a form of “go out to see what the people do,” and it is almost certain that this is because of making a fence that they not come to stumble with appurtenances of illicit sexual conduct. And his honor does not suggest even with a hint to change this and to establish this custom to make ase’uda; rather, he writes that with all of this (even though the custom is not to make a se’uda) the daughter “should be joyous on that day and dress in Shabbat clothes, and if she has access to it she should wear a new garment and recite the beracha of she-hechiyyanu, and intend [its recitation] also over her entry into the yoke of mitzvot” as you would see there, and this is certainly desirable and accepted and no one questions it.

That which his elevated honor raises the difficulty, why there is no mitzva in holding a se’udat bat mitzva when a daughter becomes twelve as with a son, for also a daughter now becomes obligated in mitzvot….And what is correct in my humble opinion is because a practical distinction is not recognizable for a girl when she becomes a gedola more than when she was a minor, and it is not like a boy, where it is quite recognizable that from now on we count him for every matter that requires a minyan of ten and a minyan of three. And for mere knowledge, when it is not recognizable in practice, we don’t hold a se’udat mitzva of rejoicing, even when fundamentally the same rejoicing really applies.

The recent emphasis on Bar/Bat Mitsva ceremonies is characteristically North American and symbolic of a major shift in the modern practice of Judaism. In the premodern era Jewish celebrations focused on historic and communal events. Rites de passage were minimal for the most part. Certainly, they did not focus on the individual in the way that today’s life cycle ceremonies do. Bar Mitsva celebrations were festive communal occasions for emphasizing the integration, if not submersion, of the individual into the community. The contemporary counterpart is a celebration of the individual as an individual, focusing on her/his accomplishment and singularity. This shift naturally fits into the cultural context of American individualism. It is a personal experience that is not privatized. It may take place in the community, in the public sphere, but its purpose is the glorification and display of the individual, not the collective. The battle for the Bat Mitsva becomes comprehensible in this changed environment. It is about the religious and communal celebration of women as individuals. Opportunities for personal public ritual participation and support were once unavailable to women and unimportant for both men and women. The changed emphasis in the general Jewish community has resulted in a shift to increase women’s involvement and responsibility.

Regarding the matter of those who wish to practice some observance and rejoicing for daughters when they’ve become benot mitzva, one should not do this in the synagogue under any circumstances, not even at night, for the synagogue is not a place for matters that are optional [but not a mitzva], even when they were built with a condition [that the building may be used for other purposes], and the ceremony of bat mitzva is certainly optional and inconsequential, and there is no place to permit doing this in the synagogue. And how much more so with this, that originates from the Reform and Conservative. And only if the father wants to make some simcha in his home he is permitted, but there is no matter or basis at all to consider this a matter of mitzva and a se’udat mitzva, for it is only like a mere birthday party. And if I had the strength, I’d also cancel in our lands the observance of the bar mitzva for boys, which as is known doesn’t bring any person closer to Torah and mitzvot and not even the bar mitzva, even for one moment, and on the contrary in many places leads to violating Shabbat and other prohibitions.

A feast and rejoicing that they make for a bat mitzva, I have already written in my book OC 104 that it has no connection to a mitzva and it is an optional se’uda and rejoicing like a mere birthday party, and one should not do it in the synagogue. But if it was built from the outset to make in it parties that are prohibited [in a synagogue], that it was never made with the sanctity of a synagogue …, it is permissible to make optional se’udot and semachot there, for it is only like all of those of a non-religious nature, but they should be held in a kosher manner and without prohibited dancing.

Regarding the matter of celebrating a bat mitzva…to make a kiddush in the synagogue when they have the custom in many synagogues in this country to make for every simcha a person has, this simcha is no worse than other semachot that they make.

For it certainly seems that there is a mitzva to hold a se’uda and celebration for a bat mitzva…and here, too a girl who becomes obligated in all the mitzvot in which a woman is obligated, and becomes one who is commanded and does, it is good to make it a festive celebration, and there is also a mitzva. And so I saw in Ben Ish Chai…for behold even though he wrote that they were not accustomed (in his time) to make her a se’uda, nowadays when we make a se’uda for a bat mitzva, it is good that they do so. And so it seems from the language of Ben Ish Chai, who attributed this matter simply to custom…and I saw Rav Moshe Feinstein in Iggerot Moshe…and with forgiveness of his honor, his words are not clear, for since she entered [obligation in] mitzvot and is as an adult who is commanded and does, regarding all the mitzvot in which a woman is obligated, certainly there is a mitzva in this, as in the words of Ben Ish Chai.

Now let’s see regarding our matter if it is permissible to celebrate a bat mitzva celebration. And there are those who wish to prohibit on account of u-vchukoteihem (See Responsa Zekan Aharon 6). And in my humble opinion it depends on this, that if we should say that a confirmation of a non-Jew is for the purpose of idolatry, one should prohibit any sort of [bat mitzva] on account of u-vchukoteihem …but that according to this we should also have prohibited celebration of a bar mitzva, for they hold confirmations for males as well…And also Reform [Jews] from our people don’t do this in order to resemble them [Christians], but rather for the sake of a family celebration and their joy that their son has reached maturity. And those of our brethren who have innovated the practice of bat mitzva say that they do this in order to strengthen in the heart of the girl, who has reached [obligation in] mitzvot, a feeling of love for Judaism and its mitzvot, to arouse in her a feeling of pride in her Jewishness and in her being daughter to a great and sacred people. And it doesn’t matter to us that the non-Jews also celebrate a confirmation, whether for sons or for daughters.

And there are those who claim against the permissibility of celebrating a bat mitzva, since it is against the custom of earlier generations, that did not practice this custom. But in truth this is not a claim, for in the generations that came before us they didn’t need to occupy themselves with chinuch of daughters, since everyone of Israel was full of Torah and fear of Heaven, and also the atmosphere in each and every city of Israel was full and saturated with the scent and spirit of Judaism, and the daughters who grew up in a Jewish home breathed in the spirit of Judaism without any effort and practically suckled on Judaism from their mothers’ breasts. But now, the generations have changed tremendously. The influence of the street uproots from the heart of every young man or woman any spark of Judaism, and the girls are educated in non-Jewish schools or in secular schools, that don’t strive to inculcate in the heart of their students love for the Torah of Israel and for the holy customs of full Judaism, now it is cast upon us to concentrate all our efforts on the education of girls…And the path of straight logic and the obligation of pedagogy practically obligates celebrating also for a girl her reaching obligation in mitzvot, and the discrimination between boys and girls regarding celebrating maturity deeply hurts the human feelings of the maturing girl, who in other fields has already merited the rights of emancipation, as it were…And even though I tend to permit celebration of bat mitzva, in any case I agree with the view of Rav Moshe Feinstein in his book Iggerot Moshe OC IV 36, that one should not celebrate this celebration in the synagogue, not even at night and even if no men are there, but only in a private home or in a simcha hall adjacent to the synagogue…but they should not forget that also those who lean toward permission for this new custom of celebrating a bat mitzva, their heart beats with anxiety to strengthen the religious education of the daughters of Israel, who in the circumstances of life in this generation especially need religious fortifying and moral encouragement upon reaching the age of mitzvot….One should just take care that this custom should truly serve as a strengthening and fortifying of the dominance of the spirit of Torah and mitzvot in the heart of the daughters of Israel.

On condition that the Rabbi give an educational derasha before the girl who is coming of age, and caution her to keep the key mitzvot from this day onward in matters between her and God (kashrut, Shabbat, taharat ha-mishpacha), taking care of chinuch of children, and the obligation of encouraging and strengthening the husband in learning Torah and keeping mitzvot…

It is possible to mark this event as a day of happiness and rejoicing, within the circle of relatives and friends in her home and in the girls’ school in which she learns, and the teacher there (man or woman) can give a sermon related to the matters of the day, to clarify the obligations of a daughter of Israel who has reached the age of mitzvot.

…That which his high honor raised a difficulty why there is no mitzva in a se’udat bat mitzva when the daughter becomes twelve years old, as with a son, for the daughter also becomes obligated now in mitzvot, and one can further strengthen the difficulty that [it is so] even though the daughter doesn’t give a derasha, for even if she does give a derasha, there is no halachic quality [of the meal], for she is exempt from learning Torah.

….When a woman has learned with diligence and persistence and has merited to complete a tractate, she has at least fulfilled the mitzva of learning Torah like one who is not commanded and performs [a mitzva] and receives reward for her learning Torah….Perhaps she is considered one who is commanded and performs [a mitzva] on account of the aspect of knowing the Torah, and it is clear that the joy in Torah in this is very great for the woman and her household, to the point that the entire house is full of light and joy….And since she herself did the entire mitzva, that went on for a long time, who can assess the extent of the joy of her heart…and it is considered a se’udat mitzva, so I see it.

Regarding the matter of the very celebration of a bat mitzva…to make a kiddush in the synagogue….She [the bat mitzva] is permitted also to say some words in honor of her simcha.

It is good and fitting to make a day of rejoicing for a bat mitzva as we do for a bar mitzva, to invite relatives and friends and acquaintances and to have them join in the simcha, on that occasion the bat mitzva can recite a beracha of she-hechiyyanu over a new garment, and if she is learned, it is fitting that she say words regarding the matter of the day, and read the song of Devora and the first two verses of Tefillat Channa, and the father of the bat mitzva should say baruch she-petarani me-onshah shel zot, and they [attendees] should bless her and say to her “our sister, you shall be to tens of thousands.”

Regarding the girl’s derasha – indeed, there is room nowadays for the girl to prepare (as independently as possible, although with the guidance of an adult) a nice idea, and express it in the presence of her friends and relatives only. Tzeni’ut is appropriate for a girl, and it is fitting to educate her for this. There is certainly no room for a girl to give a derasha in the synagogue, and how very much more so, not during the tefilla.

In my opinion, the process of preparation is more important than the bat mitzvah party. The party should be the culmination of the study preceding it. In discussions held with parents before their daughter’s bat mitzvah, I stress that the starting point needs to be the girl. First and foremost, her interests, inclinations, and abilities need to be recognized…It’s also important to find the right topic. To a girl drawn to ecology I suggested writing an essay on ecology and Judaism; a girl who was interested in animals wrote a sermon on animal imagery in rabbbinical literature…Lately, I find that more and more girls are compiling booklets for their bat mitzvah. The girl’s sermon and those of her parents are printed in these booklets, along with the relevant primary sources, and sometimes including songs and Grace after Meals. Verbal-intellectual activities, though, are not appropriate for every girl; some girls do not want to give a sermon.

May the One Who blessed our matriarchs, Sara Rivka Rachel and Leah, bless the young woman [na’ara] ___ daughter of ___ who has reached her maturity. May our Father who is in Heaven, Merciful Father, protect her and guard her soul. May He remove from her any sickness and deliver her from all trouble and harm. May her father and mother rejoice in her and may she find grace and good understanding in the eyes of God and people, and may the verse be fulfilled in her: A God-fearing woman, she is praised, give her from the fruit of her hand and may they praise her deeds in the gates. Amen. So may it be Thy will.

Becoming bar or bat mitzva is the equivalent, on an individual level, of kabbalat ha-Torah, receiving the Torah, of Sinai, which was on a national level. This refers not only to kabbalat mitzvot, the acceptance of the obligation to fulfill the commandments, but also to receiving and acquiring the Torah itself, as a gift from God. This is equally true for men and for women (as we see from birchot ha-Torah, which are incumbent on men and women, and which Rav Chaim Soloveitchik explains as referring to the relationship of Jews to the Torah itself, concerning which there is no difference between men and women). Hence, becoming a bat mitzva is most properly accompanied by an experience of learning Torah, of showing an accomplishment of acquiring Torah. A siyyum is therefore the most appropriate and significant way to show that the bat mitzva is a member of the people of Torah, in the full meaning expressed in the daily birchot ha-Torah—experiencing Torah, learning Torah and knowing God, and being chosen to be the people of Torah. A siyyum engenders a se’udat mitzva, and it is customary to recite the special kaddish de-rabbanan.

In honor of my bat mitzva, I made a siyyum on Seder Mo’ed, and they celebrated for me exactly as for my brothers—this is something that in my time was not done, there was not then a religious demand from daughters. My parents chose that I should say a derasha, that there should be invitations, a photographer, and catering. This was a meaningful event. The owner of the catering business said to us that he had never cooked for a bat mitzva, only for a bar mitzva. They invited many people, among them I remember also Nechama Leibowitz. Today when girls come here [to Beit Midrash Migdal Oz] for a Bat Mitzva day program, and I ask how they mark it, many tell that they are making a siyyum on a tractate or Tanach or Sefer Ha-chinuch. The world has changed and this moves me.

The story that is important — the narrative that a child joins on this occasion — is the story of the Jewish people. That’s the exciting, meaningful story. A bar/bat mitzvah is not a celebration of a child….The bar/bat mitzvah is arguably not a celebration at all. It is a marker of a major transition in the life of a Jewish person: when he or she takes on the adult responsibilities incumbent upon being a member of the Jewish community. These include visiting the sick, giving a tenth of one’s income to charity (yes, this includes bar/bat mitzvah checks), participating in collective prayer services, observing Shabbat and holidays, studying texts of Jewish meaning, attuning oneself to the grammar of compassion that is foundational to our faith. The list goes on…[T]hat’s what the bar/bat mitzvah is all about. It’s not about the child. It’s about our Jewish story. If we keep telling kids through videos and speeches how wonderful they are but forget to tell them how wonderful Jewish life is, then we will have failed them at this transitional time. Our job as Jewish adults is to welcome and inspire a new crop of Jewish adults to take their place in this majestic story. Don’t tell them that they are fabulous the way they are but just how fabulous they could be if they took one great meaningful leap into their own Jewish future.

…[As in the case of the derasha, the principal value of the siyyum does not lie in the one-time event of the se’udah itself. Rather, it is the culmination of a long and meaningful process for the girl, who has taken it upon herself to learn the Torah and to transform it into her own Torah, and has realized her goal. The importance of the ceremony is in its power to motivate and strengthen the girl to continue learning.

…What I can’t forget is the message I want, I need, my daughter to have.This is her beginning. This is her start. As prepared as she hopefully will be, this is only her first step. Her bat mitzvah is her time to shine. It is her time to be the star. But the next morning is what really counts. When she wakes up as a Jewish woman. When she wakes up as a bat mitzvah. And when she recognizes that all the learning and development will only continue and grow.

A word to parents: Speak with your daughter about this transition. About the question of what is the meaning of the yoke of mitzvot. About process, ups and downs in serving God. About effort and striving and developing the ability to be careful even with mitzvot that flow less easily for us, about the process of rectification and teshuva and also about the understanding that we are not always perfect. Speak with her about Torah as a way of life, share with her your personal processes at this age, and, primarily, be with her in this amazing process of her growing up and building herself as another link in the chain of the Jewish people.